Breaking the Rules

Breaking the Rules and Other Hangups

Ever had any temptation to break the rules or even make up your own? If you know me at all, you’ll understand why rules are meant to be broken.

When mowing the lawn
I have an electric lawnmower. You’re supposed to mow away from the cord. Ever get tempted to test your maneuver-ability, and get a wee bit closer to the cord just to see how close you can get without mowing it?

When parking the car
I park in the driveway of my home instead of the garage. To protect the garage from breakins, are you ever tempted to test your depth perception and see just how close you can get to the door without… hitting it?

When using the garbage disposal
You’re not supposed to put banana peels, onions or bones in your gargage disposal. Ever get the urge to put the them in anyway, just to see what happens? The other day I had one of those urges. I was cut short on acting on it because with an item that should have been able to go in, i.e., wet soggy bread, the disposal began making a most unusual whining sound.

I had already crammed in a bunch of other leftovers along with the bread. Believe me, I did not want to put my hand down there to see what was in there to cause disposal to make that noise. Thinking real quick like I do in emergencies, I decided to leave the stuff in the disposal to puree a little more before I checking it out.  I finally ground up enough of the food so that I was able to retrieve the culprit; a rubber band! It had wound itself around the blade that’s supposed to puree the food. So now I had the new dilemma of how to get the stupid rubber band out of there without snapping myself with it! I sure hate it when that happens!

When company’s coming
Ever fake cleaning the house so they think you really did clean?  One trick is to vacuum just part of the living room. You know, a big circle around the coffee table, so you can definitely tell the place was vacuumed recently. I keep deodorizers in the vacuum bag, so when I do my quick vacuum job, some of that aroma permeates the room!

Pull your curtains or blinds shut and they’ll think you’re trying to save on your utility bill, instead of hiding the dirty windows. This works well in the summer or winter.

Another neat trick is to only dust where you know they’ll see! Make company sit in a certain chair, and only dust the table closest to it. It’ll smell freshly waxed, and for all outward appearances, will look like you always keep the tables waxed. (they’ll be too far away from the other tables to know the truth.)

Don’t serve company any baked meals. That way, they’ll never see the oven and just how bad it is!

How about just cleaning just the bathroom sink? Pour a little bleach in the toilet to make them think its been cleaned and pull the shower curtain shut.  A real friend “would never dream” of pulling back the curtain to see. By the way, you can always use the standard disclaimer by saying, “I can not guarantee what the kid’s bathroom looks like”. That way they know it’s the kid’s responsibility and not yours!

While grocery shopping
If you don’t know how to shop for a certain fresh veggie or fruit, try standing way down the aisle and pondering a purchase of something else. Watch the knowledgeable looking lady thumping the watermelon or smelling the cantaloupe down at the other end of the aisle. Then as soon as she’s gone, go there, do what she did and pick any watermelon or cantaloupe and act like you made your decision based on what you did, not what you saw from your “end of aisle observation”.

Or, pretend that you read the labels and buy it on the basis that you read what it had to offer and you were impressed enough to buy. It always helps to have a “persuaded” expression on your face as you toss it into the basket.

Or… when buying milk, dig through all of the milks to find the bottles with the latest sell by date. I like to stand there for a minute or two afterward, to see if the people (who were waiting for me to finish) do the same thing! Makes ‘em real nervous sometimes!

Or… when buying chocolate candy, cancel out the bad purchase by buying something really healthy like diet soda. I always reward myself for having to go shopping by getting licorice, because it’s fat free and you can eat as much as you want!

When dressing for the day
Ever accidentally get mixed up in the rush of the day and put on Wednesday’s undergarments instead of Monday’s? It’s really hard for me to function when that happens, but I just hum suspiciously to myself all day long … just loud enough for them to hear. They know something’s amiss, but they never know what!  I do worry whether I’ll get hit by a truck on the way home though, so I just drive extra fast on those days to get home real quick before it happens.

When driving
Invariably, whenever I’m on the road, a cop will change lanes and cruise right behind me. Now when that happens, I find it really hard to go exactly the speed limit! I mean good grief, my heart’s already in overdrive by this time, so I go 10mph higher than the speed limit but I’m really consistent and don’t go under or over. That way, the cop thinks your speedometer is consistent and won’t question the speed. Afterall, EVERYbody could not possibly have their speedometers set exactly alike.

Now, when the cop is in the lane next to me with someone in front of them and I’ve got someone behind me also, I find you can basically do what you want. I figure his radar is gonna have too much interference to get an accurate reading on me.

Hope you enjoyed my thoughts on the subject of breaking/making the rules. I’m sure you’ve got your own you’d like to share. I for one would be interested in new rules to add to my list of hang ups.

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