Bunions and Corns

I’d always heard that bunions went right along with old age… :::really::: old age! But to get one at the tender young age of 35, was bit premature, don’t you think?? Dismiss the fact that for all those years I wore high-heeled, pointy-toed shoes in business and could possibly have anything to do with bunions!

I was already getting used to my premature aging processes in too many other ways.

I had mastered the art of camouflaging the steely gray hair with hair dye.

I had learned all about picking a bigger size when my clothes “shrunk” in the wash.

I knew all the latest makeup tricks to blend in my “freckled” skin tones (okay, the beginning of liver spots!)

I had even carefully picked a small eye glass frame so that it would not emphasize my bifocals.

But bunions??? For crying out loud — I was only 35!

I was still in the mood for being on the receiving end of foot massages! I couldn’t begin to imagine the attraction for the man in my life to run his hands over my boney, knobby bunionated feet!!

I was rearranging furniture and decided to move an ottoman across the room. This particular ottoman had little 3-inch wooden legs as its support. Since the ottoman was heavy, I decided to pull it up on 2 legs and dra-a-a-a-g it across the room. When I got to the other side of the room, in a quick instant, I decided that I had plenty of room. Afterall, the the bottom of ottoman didn’t start until well above my foot because of the 3-inch legs.

So — I just let go and dropped the ottoman to the floor instead of simply lowering it.

They say wisdom comes with experience…

And yes… I experienced most excrutiating pain of my life when the wooden leg slammed down at incredible force on to my foot and big toe. The force of the slamming ottoman left a permanent mark on my foot and within days, I had grown my first bunion!

Do you remember back to your youth when you broke out in zits before a “first date”? It wasn’t enough to have one humdinger zit right in the middle of your left cheek. You got a matching on one the opposite side!

Within months, I got a matching bunion on my other foot. Call it sympathy, call it what you want! I was now finally right in there with :::genuine::: old age symptoms.

Five years later …

I recently found a corn on my baby toe. I thought to myself, “Sheesh, here I go again … a new symptom of old age.”

I was out buying new shoes for the kids and thought I might make wearing shoes bearable again if I would buy “extra wide” shoe for myself while there.

“Just another attempt at … camouflage”, I told myself…

The kids kept asking me why I was limping. I told them about my corn. I asked them to remind me to stop and and buy some “corn thingies” at the drug store on the way home.

They replied, “Mom, don’t bother spending your money. We have some at home!”

Puzzled, I asked, “Where?” to which they replied, “In the drawer”.

Assuming they meant the bathroom drawer, I decided against stopping at the drug store on the way home.

As soon as we arrived home, I asked my teens to show me the “corn thingies.” They pointed me in the direction of the kitchen.

Truly confused, I asked them which drawer. They showed me my utility and knife drawer. The drawer with the corn-on-the-cob “thingies”. Bwah-hahahaha!!!

Teens, ya gotta love ‘em!! If I hang around them long enough, I just may find the fountain of youth.

Technorati Tags: Aging, bunions, corns