How to Disable the Modem Speaker

Hardware Solution
Open the modem with a screwdriver or can opener. Cut one wire going to the loudspeaker. Reassemble modem with remaining screws or duct tape (whichever is more convenient).

Software Solution
(RTFM) the printed manual and select several pages of technobabble to sacrifice. Rip out these pages and shove into the modem speaker. Wrap with duct tape.

Hacker Solution
Find ice pick. Stab speaker until dead. Note: This may void your warranty.

MSDOS/Windoze Solution
It’s a feature, not a bug. The noise is there for your own good. We know what’s good for you. This feature will be fixed in the next release.

Apple/Macintosh Solution
If it should be fixed, we will fix it. You don’t need to how or why. Now just relax, that’s good, now all together, “oooohhhhmmm, oooohhhhmmm”

Kid’s Solution
Position modem with speaker facing upward. Pour pancake syrup into speaker. This will greatly reduce the high frequency response of the speaker thus attenuating the sound.

Environmental Group Solution
Call the modem manufacturer and demand that they supply you with a modem that defaults with the speaker turned off. If they refuse, sue them for noise pollution.

Dealer Solution
What you need is the new Fire-Belcher 2000 whiz bang modem with the built in speaker phone and voice command recognition. Just yell at the modem and the speaker will turn off.