Standards

…and Other Points to Ponder

I often wonder sometimes, just who or what is the standard by which we account ourselves. Are we really who we say we are or are we who we’re “supposed” to be … or could they possibly be one and the same? Is there such a thing as a standard or do we all do exactly what we want to do in this life?

My brother is a masters level family counsellor who is dealing with a lot of clients who grew up as teens in the same 60’s era he and I lived. In fact, I found out he recently counselled one of my grade school friends, although he wouldn’t “share” the name.  I always guessed it was Janet “E”.

Janet and I were close; we started smoking together in 7th grade.  We got to “make out” (kiss) for the first time on the same weekend with our boyfriends after we snuck out of the movies one Friday night. It was Janet who had taught me how to “give a hickey” by telling me to practice giving them by sucking real hard on my arm. (Try this at your own risk — Imagine trying to explain arm hickies away to your friends!) It was Janet and I who ditched school and laid out all day at the beach and fabricated humdinger stories to explain the sunburns we got while at “school” that day.

Goodness gracious, it was Janet and I who were the first of our friends who had the nerve to apply “Tan-O-Rama”, one of the first self tanning lotions ever invented. We used it on ourselves (against our parents wishes because it notoriously “streaked” everyone who used it). Of course, when I was caught, I played my best naive and sweetly innocent role as I managed to dream up another story about how “dirty” I had become that day. I remember the stutter I uttered as I feebly attempted to explain why all that “dirt” didn’t all come off in the bathtub too!

I figure it this way: Any problems I encountered in life, Janet would experience them too. Afterall, we even started our periods the same summer. We were THAT much alike! I just know Janet would feel like I do sometimes, that living in the 60’s had brought on problems of it’s own.

Our parents were the “first” among our peers’ parents to get a divorce, and it’s now “us” that have trouble with relationships. While living the 60’s, we were caught in between the morals of the 40’s and 50’s and the self awareness of the 70’s and 80’s. The 60’s gave us public demonstrations, free love attitudes, love-ins at the public parks, the experimentation with inhaled drugs, pills, and various other hallucinogens, all of which shaped us into who we are today.

Which still brings me to my point about standards.

Is our standard as adults straight out of a book? Is our standard, our parents’ standard? Or a combination of our parent’s and their parent’s standard or is our standard brought on by our perception of what our neighbors or colleagues “are” or what people expect of us??

Think of this folks … take our homes for instance.

Just who are we cleaning up for? Is it our self pride? Do we have anyone else to impress?

Why must our furniture be arranged a certain way? Personal taste or someone’s “standards”? Do our pictures hang “just so” and our rooms each must have a theme?

How many of us actually disinfect our toilets? Do we actually clean ALL of the toilet tank and bowl, or just where we touch or splash??

Do we ever wash down the walls of our home, or just near the light switches and doors? Has anyone ever disinfected their door handles?

Do we really change our toothbrushes every three months like the American Dental Association suggests? Who throws away their toothbrushes immediately after every illness? Do we floss after every meal?

Are we always kind and re-wind our rented videos before we return them?

Do we always change our sheets every week? Do we make our bed every day? Or just whenever we get around to changing the sheets?

Do we really cook healthy meals for our families? Do any of us eat the required portions of fruit and vegetables per day? Or do we just eat “right” when Mom’s coming??

Do we always do “what’s best” for our families? Are we really the “example” we want to set for our children? Do we always say please and thank you?

And work … how many of us are workaholics? What is our motivation for it? Do we do it for the money? For the escape? For the pride we feel in doing a good job? How many of us just work the required 8 hours?

Our faiths; why do we believe the way we do? Is this how we were programmed from childhood, or do we believe because of the facts and evidence presented to us? Do we fellowship at church for social purposes or new business contacts? Do we pray only when we need something? Or do we pray for all of the world’s needs?

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Here I sit today, knowing full well I have things that “need” to be done. Am I a failure at facing my day or just lazy today? Would it be okay to walk away from it all for a day or even longer?

Why was I going to do the things I was going to do? Who said it “had” to be done today? Would it be wrong to do what I wanted to do for plain old fashioned selfish reasons?

What would be the consequences if I didn’t do what I was “supposed” to do today? Will my family suffer if I don’t “do it”?

Guess what?

I have decided to take the day off from my responsibilities … and do so guiltfree. I may take the entire weekend off for that matter!!

For now, I am going to do what I want to do.

Hey, even my friend Janet would take time away from responsibility here and there, just to regroup. Afterall, she didn’t get therapy all these years with my brother for naught! Something good needed to come of it!

Personally, I was lucky… I didn’t need therapy. I have a brother in the business!

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