The Birds and the Bees

Let Me Tell You ‘Bout the Birds and the Bees Not the Flowers and the Trees

I have two date palm trees growing on my property. They seem attract all sorts of creatures; lizards, rodents and occasional snakes, but today …

The darned birds and bees are driving me iNsAnE!!

Most of the birds are the pigeon variety and their droppings litter my driveway … I know I can hose down the driveway and transfer the droppings into the street and not get too irritated. But the birds drop their doo on my brand new car!! Yes, I KNOW I can wash the car … duh-uh!! I even actually have a garage … and if I could find the room to park the car in there, I would! I have also considered parking on the street … but for crying out loud, I’ve got a right to park in my own driveway and by golly I’m gonna take it!

The pigeons perch on my roof and mark their territory up there too. My garden hose isn’t long enuff to stre-e-e-e-tch all the way up to the roof during my rare housecleaning escapades. Besides, the water pressure in my neighborhood sucks, it could hardly shoot clear up there! I’m also afraid the pigeon claws are digging into the roof, which might explain the leak in the bathroom ceiling …

Sheesh — The pigeons even get to my poor dog’s food … and they must be really desperate for food if they’d stoop low enough to eat generic — even the dog won’t eat it!

I’ve thought of hiring an exterminator for the bees but I don’t think they are the big bad Africanized killer bees. (As if the sting of another type of bee wouldn’t bother me???) Besides, I’ve never seen any “beedoo”. Hmmmm, now I wonder … Do bees doo????

I guess my biggest irritation right now is the pigeons unwelcome presence on my property. I’ve tried to lure them over to a certain unique and unliked neighbor of mine to no avail. I used brand name doggie food as bait!! Only the neighbor’s dog benefited, but not my pigeons. Ohmigosh, listen to me, now I’ve claimed ownership of the darned birds! See where my mind has gone?!?!?

I wonder if there a legal way of getting rid of the pigeons … short of killing them???

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