The Toilet

Just when you think you’ve got your home in order … SOMETHING hits the fan!

Well, obviously, due to my GIVEAWAY title, you all ought to have guessed my current dilemma!

The backup started out as a simplistic problem to solve. Being the super sleuth that I am, I went to the very root of the problem first … the kids!

Now I can’t tell you which kid was the toilet paper lush… I’d hate to embarrass them so publicly and they’d never live it down!

Even with their new lessons on “five squares for water; ten squares for solids”, the problem was by no means solved. I still had the problem of trying to flush the problem from our midst, so to speak!

Let me tell you, it was a $#!&%* mess! I certainly didn’t want the job!

So… I decided to wait it out! Ha-ha!!!

Some of the water evaporated after a couple of days. That part was to be expected. The UNexpected part was that each member of our family happens to eat at the same time, and drink at the same time. So naturally we all need to use the bathroom at the same time. Well, we were blessed to afford a home with two bathrooms, but remember, one of them is out of commission! So … here we are with yet another item to ARGUE about … who’s on first?!!! Hmmmmm, seems like I saw a funny Abbott and Costello story about that … but our situation barely touched on the subject of funny!

While I was growing up, I wonder how my family got along with only one bathroom?!?!

Finally, after day three and still no major action in the kid’s toilet, and no end to the arguing, I was desperate. The monetary thought of calling a plumber NEVER entered my mind. I decided instead to search for my elusive plunger! Searching for a never before used plunger isn’t as easy as searching the web! We’re talking about doing a search on my garage, folks! That ain’t no easy task, even for THIS search engine!

With plunger in hand, and being voted the most responsible and dutiful member of the household, I was elected to do … THE JOB.

So, I turned on the bathroom exhaust fan and hollered at the kids to NOT watch me, that I know what I’m doing.

Plunge #1… I stick that darned black bulb way down through the moosh and aim for the hole. I attempt to push (er, I think that’s what you do!) No such luck, too much … interference! Try again.

Plunge #2… with force, I plunge deeper, with all my might. After the plunge, the toilet makes a gurgling sound, I hear water making a move … Wow, I’m in seventh heaven … this amazing plunger is working!! What a nifty invention!

Well the third time’s the charm!

Plunge #3… I’ve got a smile on my face, I’m proud, I know EXACTLY what to do with a plunger. Since I made progress with the plunger on attempt … number two (ewwwwww – pardon the pun) I know this one’s the charm … the third one ALWAYS is! So I aim for the elusive hole one more time. I get the plunger in as deep as I can. It’s lodged in there pretty good now … Uh-Oh, the darn thing is stuck! Who ever invented the concept of a stinking plunger anyway? What a STUPID invention! I want to give the inventor a piece of my mind and some of the evidence that the plunger doesn’t work according to it’s “theory”.

So, being the quick thinker that I am in a CrIsIs SiTuAtIoN, I choose to do the natural thing … and jiggle the plunger in and out, in and out, ever so slightly and VERY carefully! I definately don’t want to make WAVES!

I figured I’d done enough jiggling … by this time my temper has gotten the best of me … the kids AREN’T watching now (?) but I can hear laughter in the background.

My temper is beginning to flare a bit more now. All I want is out of this stinking mess!

So, again, with all my frustrated might I start yanking on the stick. The bulb becomes dislodged from it’s captive and I’m free to continue in my endeavor until I’m a success at last!

But … oh gosh no … it couldn’t happen to me … that darned plunger is inverted! All I needed is just one more try! The water has dissipated another inch. I’m almost there! I just know that one more attempt will do the trick.

So, again, using my agitated and disgruntled brain, I decide that the logical way to get the plunger back to its normal state without touching it is to place the inverted bulb just under the rim of the toilet and pull on the stick until the rubber on the bulb reverts …

Not a wise choice!

I don’t remember how I got from the kids’ bathroom to my shower on the opposite end of the house afterwards without dripping the &%#*@$ mess all over the place, but after I finally regained my SaNiTy after my hour long shower, I decided that next time, I’ll just call a plumber … the HECK with “do it yourself”.

Now I know why my dad was a retired plumber… one can only take so much sh*t in one’s career!

While on the subject, you must see Uncle Booger’s Bumper Dumper.

Technorati Tags: do it yourself, plumber, plumbing, toilets