Tobacco

“Tumor causing, teeth staining, smelly, puking habit”

Very effective television commercials are now running on television, brought to us many times daily by Arizona’s finest …The Department of Health Services.

Let me tell you, their advertising works! I even got the quote memorized by the 83rd commercial! To add a little more to their advertising effect, while I was still smoking, I decided that I would start putting my butts in a 3 pound coffee can on the back patio and see just how much I smoked.

Well, the can is full now. It only took a month or so. It stinks to high heaven too.

Day 1:
Last night I finished my last cigarette.

The time has come to quit the lies… telling myself this is the last pack of cigarettes I’ll buy; telling myself that I’ll quit this weekend; telling myself I’ll quit on Monday … the list of lies are endless!

I stayed up late last night (3:00 a.m.), so I’d get through half of my first day by sleeping.

So, I wake up promptly at 5:00 a.m. I toss and turn, hoping to fall back to sleep knowing that if I get up, I might be tempted to rush to the store to buy my *last* pack of cigarettes again.

They know me at the little mom and pop store around the corner. I’ve been trading there for the last 28 years. My favorite clerk always says, “One or two packs today, Kathee?” (Oops! I lied again. Did I say I only buy one pack at a time? I must have meant I only smoke one pack at a time!)

Today is going to be different. I will stay in bed all day long if that’s what it takes to not smoke!

So, I’m laying there, my tummy is growling, and I tell myself that I need nourishment. I go to the kitchen and pour myself a bowl of Wheaties. I finish breakfast and it sets in. Oh-no, I need my after meal cigarette now.

I have made up my mind that I will not buy anymore cigarettes. My mind is desperate to find the truth in what I’ve been telling it. “I will not buy anymore cigarettes, I will not buy anymore cigarettes.”

By this time I’m out on the back patio. I will not buy anymore cigarettes. I will not buy anymore cigarettes.

I’m rummaging through that 3 pound coffee can on the back patio. I’m not buying anymore cigarettes, I tell myself again and again.

Wow! I’ve just found the longest darned cigarette butt I’ve EVER seen in my life. Its almost whole!! I straighten the butt out to make it easier to light. “Gee, it sure stinks,” I tell myself as I light it. I’m thinking out loud now, “I ought’a go get some of those fine smelling ones at the store…”

“NO!” I holler. “This was just a little slip, I will not buy anymore cigarettes.”

I finish all the decent butts in the can by the first hour. Now I’m working on the mediocre butts in the can. They are worse than the longish butts. I only get a hit or two off of each mediocre butt. I’m getting a little queasy and dizzy now. I’ve smoked the equivalent of 4-5 cigarettes and they are the WORST darned cigarettes I’ve ever tasted!!

I go back to bed, satisfied that I’m not going to buy any more cigarettes.

It’s 2:00 p.m., the house is HOT. My heart is beating to sound of “psycho” music in my mind. “I’m NOT going to buy anymore cigarettes.” I’m determined. I get up and decide the time has come to…cheat.

NO, I’m not going to buy anymore cigarettes.

I reach for the blister pack of Nicorette I purchased at the drug store … just in case. I’m frustrated, I can’t get that piece of gum out fast enough. I cry. I beat on the bed.

It’s 8 p.m. Maybe it’s safe to come out of my room. I come out for a little more nourishment. After eating I RUSH back to the solitude of my room.

I begin the mourning process. I cry. I beat on the bed. I’ve lost my best friend. I’ve had 16 pieces of Nicorette today. My throat is sore. The consolation is not so bad.

Day 2:
It’s morning time. It’s mourning time again. I cry. I beat on the bed. I’ve lost my best friend. I reach for the Nicorette to sooth my desires. By now, I’ve learned to use the scissors to get the blister pack open. Why be frustrated? I cry some more. I get ready for work. I cry during the commute. I cry at work. I beat my boss. He understands. I only chew 15 pieces today. I’m getting better.

Day 3:
It’s morning time. Is it mourning time again? I wake up somewhat refreshed. I’m not coughing up that puking phlegm today. I am noticing a difference. I feel sorta’ good. It’s a bluebird day!

I get to work and the boss and I have a little talk. He’s happy with my work, he likes my new attitude. I’ve told him I want to be the worse EX-Smoker that he ever did see! He says that’s fine, but the beatings must stop. I agree.

Today’s Nicorette count: 12 … impressive.

Day 4:
It’s morning time. The wheezing I’m accustomed to is not there. I mourn the loss of my old best friend, but memories are all that I have. I start remembering the good times. UH-OH! I’m getting weak again.

Fondly, I remember my old best friend always being there for me. When I’d lose a significant other in my life, my old best friend was there for me. When I’d celebrate a special occasion with my family, my old best friend was there. When I’d feel lonely, my old best friend was there. Geez, my old best friend was there through thick and thin. Why am I giving up on my old best friend?

I reach for the Nicorette again.

Ahhhhhhhhh, all better now as my old best friend’s memory begins to fade. I only used 7 pieces of Nicorette today. This is good. I’m getting better. I’m starting to think I am pretty good. A bad sign.

My new motto: Cigarettes are the ENEMY.

Day 5:
I have no physical desire for a cigarette. I DO have a VERY emotional desire this morning. I reach for the Nicorette. I decide I should do a little more mourning. I chew, I sob just a little, I bounce up and down on the bed.

This really isn’t quite so bad. I will make it! Just 5, count’em FIVE pieces of Nicorette today!

Day 6:
I wake up in a good mood. My mouth doesn’t smell like an ashtray anymore! I smell a DISGUSTING STENCH on a good looking man at the store today. Too bad he smokes … we could have had a future together.

Am sticking to my daily 5 Nicorettes for awhile. I tried 4 today but had to wake up in the middle of the night for another fix.

Day 7:
Wow, I have a birthday. Seven days, one day at a time. (more like one hour at a time!!) I repeat my new motto over and over again EVERY moment of the day.

Cigarettes are the ENEMY.

My boss looks at me like this —-> =8-O every time I chant my new motto at work. But … he understands. He almost didn’t hire me last year because I was a smoker. He really likes the new me.

Day 8-30:
I stick with my 5 pieces of Nicorette daily. I want to play it safe. Somedays, I forget and just chew 3.

People look at me differently. Could it be my new motto? Could it be my new aroma?

Could it be my new song? I’m particularly fond of the song of “I Feel Good” by James Brown. So when I think of how great I feel now that I’ve finally crossed over that line to NON-Smoker status, I sing it quite a bit. They just don’t know why I’m singing it these days.

“W-o-o-o-o-o-o-! I fe-e-e-e-e-l good, I knew that I wouldn’t of…I fe-e-e-e-l good, I knew that I wouldn’t of … so good, so good (drums rolling …) YEAH!

Day 31:
I woke up and forgot to take a piece of Nicorette. It was 9:00 p.m. before I realized I hadn’t had a piece yet. Wow, should I take one for old times sake? Naw! I’ll just go to bed. I’m always better when I sleep. Don’t notice the desire so much.

Day 32:
Got it licked. I think the tars have left my system. It’s been two days since I’ve had a piece of Nicorette. By golly, that ‘ol nicotine is leaving my system now too. I keep Nicorette on hand for emergencies, but the psychological thing was the worst part of my journey to becoming smoke habit-free.

Just remember, if I can quit … YOU CAN TOO!

You can email me if you go into mourning over cigarettes and I can be the first to remind you that cigarettes were NEVER your best friend.

Cigarettes ARE the enemy … and don’t you forget it!

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