I’ve always taken parenting responsibilities seriously and taught my children about “stranger danger”.  I told them that stranger danger is ANYONE who makes them feel uncomfortable, whether by touch or talk or even by the way someone looks at them, or by what someone tries to make a child do. They learned that stranger danger could be disguised as someone they already know, like a neighbor, a relative and I gave specifics, i.e., uncle, or Mr. Jones down on the corner.

I also told them that the stranger danger person could even be a woman. My children had been taught that they are to get away as soon as possible, refuse to do what they say if possible, run if necessary, and tell me or another trusted adult about the situation right away.

When my son was in second grade, he was walking the 3 blocks home from school with his friend. His friend that day had his bike with him, so the friend was riding his bike on the sidewalk behind my son.

Just around the corner from my home was a vehicle with a man sitting inside. The driver’s door was open. My son was the first to pass the man. My son glanced into the car as he walked by. The man was sitting in the driver’s seat with his pants down and was exposing himself. My son kept walking and his friend passed by and “noticed” the man also.

Two hours later, my son’s friend’s father came over and asked me if I had heard about what had happened on the way home from school.

I stood at the door dumbfounded because my son had not said anything at all.  I called my son to the door while I was talking with my neighbor and asked him if he could provide any more details. When asked why he didn’t tell me about the “stranger danger”, situation, my son exclaimed proudly, “I wasn’t afraid of him, Mom. I just turned around to my friend and said, ‘hey, did you see that man in the car — he wasn’t wearing pants’ and we laughed and pointed at him!”

My son had not felt threatened at all by this situation and basically handled it in his own way, by laughing and pointing at the deviant behavior. Things could have been much more different had my son been alone. Or … had the perpetrator grabbed my son and forced him into the car.

Needless to say, I changed the way I described “stranger danger” and included in my future talks on this topic that they should report to mom ANY behavior that is out of the ordinary.

I asked the kids, “Have you ever seen mom sitting in the car with no clothes on?” After the giggles subsided and they assuredly answered “no” to my relieved sense of satisfaction, I replied, “Well, if you ever see someone with behavior that is unbecoming or unlike what we’d do in our own home, then that is a reportable incident to tell mom about”.

Folks, many abused children, EVEN with education in the home, will not tell on their perpetrators. These deviants use a variety of tactics to keep the children silent.

Please, talk with your kids until you’re blue in the face! This may work, again it may not, but it sure can’t hurt.

Each child is unique in the way they handle situations. PLEASE don’t stop talking with your children about these issues!

Too much education will not cause harm or unusual fear in your children. If you include other topics for discussion with your children, such as fire safety and fire escape routes and street crossing safety, you will not be scaring your kids about these subjects, but instead, will be giving them something to feed back to you as far as “what would you do in this situation” scenarios.

Although I shared the simple incident about my son when he was in elementary school, there is much, much more I could say on this subject.

Childhood sexual abuse touched our family in a horrid way many, many years ago. I don’t think I will ever recover from the experience of closehand knowledge of that ugly nightmare.

My heart goes out to any child who has had to endure sexual abuse of any capacity and live silently with the emotional anguish, physical pain and grotesque re-occuring memories of those events. Not only have these children been robbed of their innocence, their childhood is lost forever. Most are left scarred for life.

I feel it is my duty to at least warn other parents that it CAN happen to you, regardless of the education you provide for your children, regardless of the protection you believe you are providing for them, regardless of the watchful eye you keep on them.

Remember, the sexual deviant has the upper hand in child sexual abuse. They’re watching for an opportunity when you’re not looking. Like drowning, it only takes a second. Sexual deviants don’t want to be caught, and generally they aren’t.

Stranger Danger can be the person you least suspect.

Technorati Tags: Danger, Dangers, Stranger, Stranger Danger, Strangers

“Don’t…”

“Don’t what?” Adam replied.

“Don’t eat the forbidden fruit.” God said.

“Forbidden fruit? We got forbidden fruit? Hey, Eve…we got Forbidden Fruit!”

“No way!”

“Yes WAY!”

“Don’t eat that fruit!” said God.

“Why?”

“Because I’m your Creator and I said so!” said God, wondering why he hadn’t stopped after making the elephants.

A few minutes later God saw the kids having an apple break and was angry…

“Didn’t I tell you not to eat that fruit?” God asked.

“Uh huh,” Adam replied.

“Then why did you?”

“I dunno,” Eve answered.

“She started it!” Adam said.

“Did Not!”

“DID so!”

“DID NOT!!”

Having had it with the two of them, God’s punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

But there is a reassurance in this story. If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give them wisdom and they haven’t taken it, don’t be hard on yourself. If God had trouble handling children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

One of the things that made our chorebook so successful for me when I first implemented the system, was the fact that I included my name in the book too.

In times BC (before chorebook) I would scream and holler my commands at the kids: to make their beds, take out the trash, do the dishes, clean their rooms … I sounded like a broken record (does anyone remember what a record is?)

In times BC, I always did my chores, but the kids never realized it because they were too busy tuning me out — am I the only parent this happens to?

Since we now have major conflicts with the time-shares on the ‘puter, I found I had no other choice but to add a new rule to the chorebook.

We’ve all been neglecting our chores a tad bit more than usual because of our on-line activities, so I will add, yes (ADD) another teentzy weentzie guideline.

Do Not, (repeat) Do Not … try this at home, even you daring one’s out there. I’m warning you now!

Remember the old expression that grandma used to quote, you know, “this was the straw that broke the camel’s back”?

All I did is put the following statement in the chorebook: “No on-line activities until all chores are done for the day.”

It seemed simple enough to understand, don’t you think?

So yesterday I arrived home from a particularly stressful day at the office. In the heat of summer, in my car with no a/c, in Phoenix-it’s-a-dry-heat, AZ, my skins feels like an oven upon arriving home. Forget spending quality time with the kids — I’m in a touch-me-not mood, I do not feel like talking or even cooking for that matter!

The kids didn’t adjust the thermostat (another “don’t” rule) just like the dutiful little “me’s” I had produced. My home-sweet-oh-so-comfortable home was hotter-n-hades! (You’d think my kids would be smart enough to figure out how to adjust the t-stat while I’m gone, cool the house down all day long so they’d be comfortable, then switch the t-stat back UP before I arrived home so I wouldn’t think they broke the rule. Sheesh! I thought they were smarter than that!)

On days like I had yesterday, I decided to relax for awhile; you all know how my story goes …

I sneak on-line for just a minute or two, check my e-mail, post a couple of articles to my favorite discussion groups, surf the web, etc. Just so I can unwind, of course, right??

And then it happens…

THE KIDS converge upon me! They all take part in yanking me off the PC, drag me over to the chore book table and the older one with the sense of humor shoves the chorebook in my face. With a stern tone, his s-l-o-w, perfectly enunciated words, reads the new rule straight from the chorebook:

“NO-ah, on-nuh, line-eh activities-seh UNTIL-luh all-lah chores-sah are-reh done-neh for-rah thee-uh day-yeh.” (No online activities until all chores are done for the day!)

So, how do I get out’a this mess folks?

Only the sincere need respond…

House Chores for Kids

Writing Life Stories

The Chore Book

I have developed “The Chore Book” to help keep some semblance of order in my home.

Of course, this was developed before I ever got active with the internet! Things have changed slightly in the last month or so …

To help keep my teens from boredom i.e., the same ‘ol chores day after day, I developed the following concept for our chore book and surprisingly enough it works for us!

Before I started, I assigned a number to every possible chore that can be done in my house, i.e.:

1. Make bed and straighten room (pick up stuff off floor)
2. After dinner clean up (In our house, EVERYONE is required to rinse their own plate and put one item away, for instance, the one item could be – the ketchup. After dinner cleanup consists of wiping down the table, stovetop, countertops and putting the dishes in dishwasher. I always clean the pots and pans.)
3. Dust all the ceiling fans throughout the house
4. Take kitchen, baths and bedroom trash containers, and place contents in city receptacle at street.
5. Clean main bath INCLUDING toilet
6. Hose off back patio
7. Vacuum family room (tv and computer room)
8. Vacuum under couches in living room (front room)
9. Windex kitchen window
10. Sweep sidewalk in front of house, driveway and walkway leading to house
11. Vacuum and dust your bedroom

Now I happen to have only 112 possible chores, but then again, I’m not all that particular about my house. You may come up with way more items to clean.
The following chart (sample only) is placed in the front of the chore book each Sunday night.

Monday:
Kid 1: #1, #2, plus your laundry
Kid 2: #1, #4
Kid 3: #1, #17
Mom- : #1, #23
Tuesday:
Kid 1: #1, #8
Kid 2: #1, #2, plus your laundry
Kid 3: #1, #19
Mom- : #1, #25
Wednesday:
Kid 1: #1, plus make up chore by 6 p.m.
Kid 2: #1, plus make up chore by 6 p.m.
Kid 3: #1, plus make up chore by 6 p.m.
Mom- : #1, plus make up chore by 6 p.m.
Thursday:
Kid 1: #1, #42
Kid 2: #1, #10
Kid 3: #1, #4, plus your laundry
Mom- : #1, #33
Friday:
Kid 1: #1, #9, #11
Kid 2: #1, #61, #11
Kid 3: #1, #52, #11
Mom- : #1, #23, #11, plus your laundry
Saturday:
Kid 1: #1, plus make up chore by noon
Kid 2: #1, plus make up chore by noon
Kid 3: #1, plus make up chore by noon
Mom- : #1, plus make up chore by noon, plus more laundry

Each day, after the chores are done, the kids have to get my signature for credit for the day. To play fair, I also have to get one of their signatures for credit for MY chores each day!
Now, on Wednesday’s we go to church in the evening since the teens are quite active in their youth group, so our chore time is limited. All I require for that day is that each child clean their bedroom (#1). The same for Saturdays because it’s the weekend and we all have things we have/need/want to do.

Wednesday & Saturday is make up day since no major chores are assigned on those days. If chore #1 is not done on any given day, the person MUST do a make up chore of the equivalent time value (determined by me) by the next makeup day. The 2nd chore for each day is not negotiable, but must be done sometime during the week if not done on its assigned day. (see how reasonable I am?)

Personally it is really No Big Deal to me if they don’t make their bed each day (thankfully,they *DO* have doors that shut!) BUT, if they don’t make their beds and do light pickup, their consequence is; I get yet another chore out of them! I am totally amazed at what my teens are willing to do instead of making their bed!!

I get my windowsills (#63) dusted often, the silverware tray (#46) wiped and cleaned regularly, my pantry cupboard (#79) is always organized and the dog is brushed (#16) at least 3 times weekly! My only requirement on the extra chore is that it can’t already have been done during the current week, except for brushing the dog (#16). Since I’m allergic to her, she can’t be brushed enough!

If all chores are not done by Saturday at noon, then the minimal allowance my teens receive is withheld (ouch-ette!) and also, they cannot leave the house for the weekend (BIG OUCH!). Unless, of course, they want to do some heavy duty … cleaning – at my discretion!! Yep — I am one mean mother!

We all know that there are certain chores that need to be done with some regularity, i.e., daily, once or twice per week, once per month, quarterly, etc.

The person in charge of the chore book must display the attributes of a sound mind and must alternate the chores fairly between all family members or there will be WAR. Teens have an uncanny knack for remembering who did what, when! I always save the former week’s chores in the back of my book to prove my point when we’re in the middle of a “whodidwhatwhen” argument.

May I suggest also, if you choose to adopt a similar program in your household, implement it before your children become teens!! I started this program when my children were mid-teen, and was met with a lot of resistance. But, I have remained consistent with them (It pays to carry a big stick and yell and scream a lot!)

How on earth did I ever come up with this crazy idea? I just happened to have been influenced by a meticulous, nitpickin’ perfectionist engineer as a former husband! And … I got custody of the chore book since it was the only idea of his that ever worked!

Let me know how you keep your household chores organized — I could be certainly be persuaded to try something new. Each year, these teens of mine get older and wiser!

Technorati Tags: children, chore, chore book, chores, kids, Parenting