we are loving your story

good job

l.heine

“What a Masterpiece … CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP.”

“You’re a very talented writer… Of course we don’t get Gold on every trip to the mine, but your sense of humor is uncanny.”

“We are just a small part of the human race. Without your small part we would all be much poorer…”

“You are very down to earth… DON’T CHANGE!”

?”Kool READ!”

“That was Platinum, it brought a tear to these old eyes… Thanks!”

“Thar’s Gold in them thar common bonds!”

“Wow, what a fertile mind. This story is right up there with “War & Peace”. Our resident short story writer out did herself with this one. I can’t even imagine what the sequel will be like. This is right up there with the bath tub cleaning story…. There is almost enough to make a book now, and the money will just roll in.”

“You are a first rate writer. We all transmit to others what we have absorbed in life, and you do it very well.”

Bud, thanks for continuing to inspire me!

The pleasure of making quality friends on the Internet and keeping long standing relationships in this transcient forum, is rare. I’ve known Bud since May of 1996, when I first obtained an email account. Bud is a gem of rare value! We met on the Internet before it was fashionable.

I look forward to each day because of Bud. Bud emails me a special article of interest every day that he finds while surfing the net. Sometime’s its a joke, or maybe a touching story or an article he’s obtained about an writer I’m particularly fond of. No matter what he sends me, he?brightens my day with his thoughtfulness.

Bud is a retired?Philly cop.? He moved to Arizona after retirement and?is?known among his close friends as Stan the Man, Stan in the Desert, and The Master Archiver!! If I ever misplace something I’ve written and shared with him, he is quick to find it.? Dare I?admit he also made me lazy!? I went to him first instead of looking for it myself.

Bud?is none other than… Stan Migliore.? What a difference you made in my life, Stanbud

Depression has been a major factor in my life from a very young age. My parents divorced when I was 6 months old. My dad remarried a couple times and we didn’t see him much. I spent lots of time with my aunt ( my dads sister) and she would take me to see him, but I always felt unwanted by him. My mom married a few times after their divorce. Her next marriage brought us a brother but his dad died when my brother was young. That marriage followed another. By this time we were old enough to see this man being an abusive alcoholic who mistreated us all! I was at the age where I knew I didn’t like being at home with all the drinking and fighting, so I told my mom I wanted to live with my aunt and uncle. I had already started feeling unloved by my mom. I felt empty inside. I was depressed! I was jealous of my brother because he got all the attention from our mom, I couldn’t understand why she didn’t give me some of her time. She explained it by saying because his dad died, but what she didn’t understand was we didn’t have a dad around either…so I convinced myself that she didn’t love me and that brought on more depression, anger and jealousy! My brother and I never got along because I was jealous of his relationship with our mom…I loved him but I didn’t like him at all!!! I was so angry I withdrew from everyone in my family until I got to my teenage years, so I moved back home with my mom and went wild!!!!
I started smoking cigarettes around the age of 13 ! The anger and jealousy grew! I always felt so alone and empty. I was shy and never felt good enough .. At 14 I started drinking and smoking marijuana! I was not good in school so I quite in the 8th grade.. The relationship with my mom and brother just seemed to get worse, so the more I started to drank and smoke! I was getting high every day and drinking every weekend! I had finally found something that made me fit in…. when I turned 16 I got married! Not because of love but to leave home!!!! the drinking and smoking and partying only got worse.. Needless to say that marriage only lasted about a year and a half.. So I packed up and moved back home to a place I once hated .
Along came more drinking and partying . This time was different, I found a new best friend MY MOM! I started going to the bars with her and from Friday to Sunday we were best friends.. Little did I know the anger and jealousy was still there.. It was! I was still depressed, just drinking and partying to cover it , I was searching for anything or anyone to fill the emptiness in my life.
Between the ages of 16 and 22 I married 4 times. 3 of which I knew it wasn’t what I wanted, but I done it to get away from home.. I was smoking marijuana morning, noon, and night and several times in between .. Drinking every weekend…My son was born in July of 1990 I wanted to be a good mother.. In August I met the man that stole my heart, I just knew he was going to be the one I would spend the rest of my life with! I stopped smoking marijuana but the drinking became a natural part of our days.. Little did I know he was an alcoholic. And the drinking brought on the physical and mental abuse! We started using meth! The drinking cut way back for me but the meth use grew with each day..and so did the fighting. I stayed in the marriage until 2001! I didn’t want to be a single parent , but the abuse got so bad , we ended the marriage and I moved home with mom once again… That’s when the drug use really got out of control. I started using meth and smoking marijuana daily . In 2002 I met a guy and all we done was drugs, it didn’t matter what kind as long as it got us high! I don’t remember much about the next couple of years except being so high I didn’t care about anything or anyone..I couldn’t get along with anyone in my family so I just stayed away most of the time and covered the depression and loneliness with more meth!!!!! In may of 2005 I became sick with what I called the flu, I wouldn’t go to the doctor because I didn’t want them to find the meth in my system, all the sudden I was gaining weight with out eating! After being sick for at least 3 months I went to my mom’s to visit with my son , when I got there my mom made me go to the emergency room, they sent me to Pine Bluff to have emergency surgery, they said my gallbladder was poisoning my system.. I woke up 2 weeks later on the heart floor. The nurse told me I was in Congestive Heart Failure! I had damaged my heart. All but 20% when they admitted me I weighed 178 lbs. A few days later after them giving me lasik my weight was 134.. My lungs were full of fluid. The doctors told my mom to call the family because I wasn’t going to make it. That didn’t faze me at all, because I really wanted to die! I still didn’t know God, but he knew me, I just wasn’t ready to listen! You would think that would make me change, but no it didn’t…….I made it out of the hospital, only to find myself sad and lonely once again.. So I turned to my friend meth , as long as I had my friend I was not alone, I didn’t cry all the time like I did when he was not with me! I decided in 2006 to send my son to live with his dad because I did not want him to be around when I died! I was chasing that last bump of meth. I wanted it to end, but the only way for me to be free from that needle was through death.. You see the devil had a hold of me and I just gave into him because I didn’t feel I was worth anything more. I hated myself and thought everyone else did to. Except meth and he loved to see me coming! In March of 2007 I got sick again! And again the doctors told me I wasn’t going to make it, because this time I had killed all the mussels in my heart, the left side is enlarged three times the size it is supposed to be, and was diagnosed with Dilated Cardiomyopathy with Congestive Heart Failure! And again God was tying to tell me that he has a special plan for me, but as the last time I couldn’t hear him because I was so wrapped up in the devil I thought I didn’t deserve anything more than what I had become, a drug addict! Why should God or anyone else forgive me? I couldn’t forgive myself! It still took me until just a few moths ago to get to know God!! This time I did stop using for a few months, long enough to get the relationship back with my son, but the depression was still there and I started drinking again. I thought as long as I wasn’t doing meth I was fine! No, I wasn’t because soon I started using again this time telling everyone I could control it! My brother and I found a new relationship and that was great we were finally acting like brothers and sisters should, we spent lots of time together, getting high! And again my addiction had got out of control! In May of this year my brother went to jail because of our drug addiction. And I decided I was done. I was not going to lose my life and family to the devil anymore, I was taking my life back!! I will tell you for me to stop was the hardest thing I have ever done! Until I went into the flea market one Saturday morning, and met a lady that introduced me to God!! She prayed with me and from that very moment there was a fire inside me to learn how AWESOME God is! I went to rehab where I witnessed to others there about how God was changing my life! I was 3 days to coming home when I woke up around 3 a.m. with a dream. I was standing somewhere holding a sign. I didn’t know what the sign said or where I was. What I did know was that I was doing something for GOD! When I came home my brother had written me a letter telling me that god had woke him up at 4 a.m. telling him to tell me to make a sign and give people HUGS. Healing Hugs.. God is so amazing! God restored me with everyone in my family. My brother and I are finally close.. By Gods grace I have a wonderful brother that I share my walk with God! Let me share a special miracle God gave me, he opened up the jail doors for me to go in and have a bible study with my brother, we cried we laughed and we prayed together . That was a true miracle! Now we share a bond that no one can take away! Thank you Father! I know now that my mom does love me. And we have a special mother daughter relationship now! We still have our ups and downs but I know without a doubt she loves me. I hope she knows I love her and I appreciate everything she has ever done and that I am truly sorry for all the nights she laid awake not knowing if I was dead or alive!!!! By telling my story I want those who are suffering with addictions to know God loves us! We are something special and we can change.. It took me 25 years to know God’s love and to have a personal relationship with him. You see I don’t regret being an addict because it has made me the person I am today! God loves us. All we have to do is stop and take the time to listen to him~! I asked God to take the cravings and deliver me from the drugs, because I know without God’s strength on my side I would not be DRUG FREE TODAY! Thank you God for rescuing me from myself. Today I am proud to say that I talk to God about everything! While I am sitting alone or driving down the road..Everything I do I ask for his guidance first!
2 Corinthians5:17 says “ You are a new creation, old things have passed away and all things have become new’ I like that verse because I am a new child of God, a new creation, and All we have to do is trust in God and believe that he has special plans designed for each one of us.. It is a struggle to stay clean and sobber but as long as I give my all to him, I know I will make it!
Revelation 12:11 says ‘ we are made overcomers by the word of our testimony and the blood of the lamb.’ It is only by God’s Grace that I am able to share my story…. Thank you