Purses, Purses and More Purses

Ever wonder why women carry purses and most men don't? I was just contemplating this subject today ...

I just bought my fifth purse this year. I am desperate to find the perfect purse ... I actually know precisely which type of designer purse would be the perfect purse for me. I would love to be the recipient of a genuine Vera Bradley handbag as a gift, but I'm sure that a knockoff Vera Bradley or Gucci purse at a replica or fake purse price might have to suffice for a purse price.

A purse that has a zipper that lasts ... my first purse of the year:

This purse was really cute, and reasonably priced at that. That was mistake number one ... going for purse price and NOT purse value. This should also explain why one should buy a Vera Bradley purse or a Gucci purse for that matter. You get what you pay for when it comes to purses. Trust me.

After just a couple of weeks use of this cheap purse, the nylon zipper refused to close.

Now why don't they make purses with metal zippers that last, like the zippers found on sleeping bags?!?!? Can you imagine a sleeping bag strength zipper on a quaint, sleek, sequined evening purse? I am sure no one would buy a bulky zippered purse like that, which explains why purses are made to break -- it makes economic sense. Plus I am sure those purse making companies are in business to make a purse killing, which is why they can charge so much money for purses and women will buy them at nearly any purse price. But ... I digress.

With no zipper in this value priced purse, I ended up having to expose my belongings for the whole world to see. I'm such a messy purse-keeper. I guess housekeeping and purse-keeping go hand in hand, eh? I should have known ...

A purse that is BIG enough ... is my second purse purchase of the year:

I require a large purse to meet all of my purse-onal needs: A purse large enough to fit my filing system, my day timer, my email address book, my personal address book, my business list, my brush, my comb, my mirror, my wallet, my mail, my lipstick, my refresher makeup, my keys, my Kleenex. My, my, this purse was so big I began adding even more litter to it! I just couldn't fill this purse fast enough.

Can you imagine just how HEAVY this big purse got to be?

I first noticed that my shoulder began to droop noticeably after carrying the purse for a week. Then I began bending far over to the right side while I walked without the purse on my shoulder. I noticed that when I sat at my computer, sans purse, I was still bending to the right.

:::Picture me::: bending to the right side and cocking my pretty little head to the left while trying to read all the smiley and winkey emoticons in my email! One had to be extremely limber to accomplish that feat!

Then the purse related headaches came on ... but the topper was when I began seeing purse related strap marks on my shoulders at the end of the day to match my already permanent bra strap indentations. Sheesh!  I didn't need any more purse related problems ... I did not want to be a marked woman!  So the big purse went into purse retirement ... full time purse heaven.

A purse that doesn't end up with frayed straps ... my purse purchase number three:

Just how much money does one have to spend to get good quality straps on their purses?  All I wanted was a purse that wasn't more frayed than my clothing!!  I was even willing to pay extra money for a good quality made purse. I guess vinyl purse material just isn't up to what it's cracked up to be, is it?

A purse that doesn't have a magnet so strong that doesn't release its hold without ripping the lining of the purse apart ... my fourth purse of the year:

After my bad luck with bad zippers on purses, I was bound and determined to get a purse with an overlapping magnetic flap ... to hide my stuff just in case the next zipper broke. Well this particular purse had a super strength MEGA magnet on it. That's one reason I bought the purse! Plus, I felt it would deter the best of purse pickpockets!  The mega-magnet on this purse was so strong, it even deterred me from shopping because I just couldn't easily get at my money inside the purse anymore! 

It eventually became such a chore to get at anything inside my purse, that I started resenting the purse and everything in it. Well, that darned little mega magnet purse turned on me the other day.  I wanted to get something out of that purse really badly.  I yanked, I pulled, I tried to slip my little hand under the flap to do a sneak retrieval.  It was just too much of a tight squeeze to get into this purse.

I finally got my hand free and I put my foot on the purse for leverage. With all my weight and might, I could not budge that darned magnet's grip off of the purse.

So, after I put the screwdriver back in the toolbox ... I finally decided I couldn't live with a purse that would require TOOLS to open!

If this latest purse I bought doesn't hold up, I may have to resort to carrying luggage. On second thought, I think I'm just going to do what the guys do and carry a little trifold wallet in each of my back pockets.

Hmmmmm, now that's one way to obtain a youthful hiney again! (shhhhh! ... don't tell anyone my secrets!)