Subliminal Messages

Warning:
This subliminal parody is interspersed with subliminal messages. The title of this subliminal parody is "Subliminal :::a::: :::dead::: :::giveaway,::: :::dontcha::: :::think?::: Messages". Any text :::subliminally::: displayed in :::this::: :::style::: :::format::: is a subliminal message.

I can't believe I have fallen victim to this heinous deficiency.

Me, the :::dysfunctional::: disciplined one, the one who has policies for everything, rules for my policies, anticipatory procedures for prospective dilemmas and exceptions to all of the above!

Once upon a time, I was a responsible homemaker. Then came the Internet and that's when it all :::started::: :::long::: :::before::: :::that::: began ...

No, folks, this is NOT another addiction story!  I've written enough of those stories to convince you all that I really do have a :::major::: slight problem.  Okay folks, I confess to somewhat compulsive behavior, but really, :::certainly::: :::not::: :::me::: is anyone perfect?

I got a brainstorm way back in June, 1996, just one month after I obtained my first email account. I thought it'd be fun to have my very own website so I could :::show::: :::off::: display the stories I've written.

I didn't even know the first thing about the wide world web! The Internet was awesome to me, but I just couldn't quite grasp its concept.  I wanted to explore it, crawl inside it, but didn't know  why :::it::: :::was::: :::infinite?::: I felt that way.

So I embarked on my new campaign.  I needed to learn about this thing they call the world wide web. I was so :::clueless::: overwhelmed with it all and I b*tched::: complained a :::lot::: wee bit at first because there was so much to learn! What a fascinating subject and I was in:::way::: :::over::: :::my::: :::head::: very anxious to explore all that I could!! My enthusiasm was showing! Then I had a :::braindead::: brainstorm as to what I would put up there, wherever there happened to be!

I :::was::: :::compulsed::: had to get online constantly and :::ignore::: :::my::: :::surroundings::: work like crazy to ensure that the index page and my stories were laid out attractively.

I had to learn simple html code and test each link to completely to be sure they all went where I directed them to.  I had to name each file and place my targets appropriately within them.  I selected choice keywords for use in my meta tags. All this had to be accomplished before I could even FTP any files :::What's::: :::FTP?::: :::I::: :::didn't::: :::know::: :::it::: :::existed,::: :::so::: :::I::: :::did::: :::it::: :::the::: :::old::: :::fashioned::: :::way::: :::by::: :::ascii::: :::file::: :::transferring::: :::everything::: to my servers

All the while, I had all of my favorite special interest groups, bulletin boards and email cravings :::okay::: :::I'm::: :::really::: :::addicted::: to satisfy.

I knew I had taken on too much, too soon, but I was on a roll and I couldn't stop!   How :::try::: :::willpower::: could I stop?  Why :::quit::: :::while::: :::you're::: :::ahead::: should I?

Suddenly I found that when I concentrated on designing the website, I wasn't keeping up with the personal stuff, :::I::: :::was::: :::enjoying::: :::the::: :::break::: :::from::: :::reality::: like washing the dishes periodically, doing laundry or yardwork, spending quality time with the kids, cooking dinner ... it seemed endless!

I was even leaving work early just to get online again -- and I didn't even work full time!  Try supporting a family :::poor::: :::poor::: :::pitiful::: :::me::: on next to nothing!

I finally :::was::: :::humiliated::: came to my senses the other day, just before I went public with my announcement of my website's grand opening.

One of my daughters :::confronted::: :::me::: asked if I had any friends. She said I was online all the time and didn't see how I could possibly find the time for any of my real life :::what::: :::is::: :::reality?:::  friends.

Her comments brought to mind some of my recent :::okay::: :::all::: :::of::: :::them:::  telephone conversations, where I asked my friends if I could call them back and BACK never happened!

How could MY children have far more :::they::: :::did::: :::it::: :::didn't::: :::they?::: insight than me, the PARENT?

And what an insult!  Can you believe that? How dare someone, my own child no less, make a comment that I had NO :::So::: :::who::: :::needs::: :::friends::: :::anyway?:::  friendships?

Within days, I managed to go public with my website.  Eight weeks of nearly constant late night work had finally paid :::don't::: :::count::: :::your::: :::chickens::: :::before::: :::they::: :::hatch::: off!!

I anticipated enormous quantities of email :::from::: :::who:::? once I registered my website's url on most of the search engines.

I made a general announcement :::okay::: :::it::: :::was::: :::major::: :::spam:::  to all of my friends and posted my website address on my local SIG's and BBS's.

Naturally I knew all of my friends would drop :::Not::: :::in::: :::this::: :::lifetime::: everything just to visit MY website!

I also knew that every time I logged online, my mailbox would be filled to capacity. So, in anticipation, I signed online every :::five::: :::minutes::: hour just to make sure my mailbox didn't overflow!

Folks, I expected instant fame from the launch of my website. What a disappointment  :::sniffle::: and it got worse  :::sob::: :::sniff::: :::sniffle:::  from there.

Two of my regular epals haven't written to me since I just happened to mention my website,   and I just don't :::they::: :::have::: :::a::: :::life::: understand it.

One galpal couldn't find the time to visit my website for four whole days after I told her about it!   FOUR days????  That's an eternity  :::its::: :::just::: :::four::: :::days::: :::for::: :::crying::: :::out::: :::loud:::  in cybertime!

Needless to say  :::so::: :::why::: :::say::: :::it?:::  I was disheartened!

This is NOT :::H'yeah::: :::Right::: a pity party for the Kat.

Folks, :::sniffle::: :::sob::: :::sob:::  this is just a straight from the heart, honest :::appeal::: :::to::: :::your::: :::compassionate::: :::emotions::: testimony to what I have been going through for the past 8 weeks of my life.

I was overwhelmed with an inflated :::ego::: perception of what would soon be the public's response to the launch of my website. The grand finale would be my fame and glory, where I was finally recognized and I received the :::not:::  well deserved appreciation from my peers. I was so PROUD :::pride::: :::comes::: :::before::: :::the::: :::fall::: of all the work I'd done!

I've mentioned in stories I've written about my kids that, "Great ideas sometimes backfire" :::ditto::: :::on::: :::the::: :::website!:::

These last two months have changed :::the::: :::way::: :::I::: :::live::: my life!

My previously adorable, petite :::in::: :::who's :::opinion?::: little chassis is falling apart.

I now have a perpetual knot in my neck and constant numbness in my derriere that even a pillow :::try::: :::walking::: :::AWAY::: :::from::: :::the::: :::pc::: :::for::: :::awhile::: on my chair won't help.

I think my secretary spread sprawled all over the place, and my back and shoulders have now :::only::: :::just:: :::now?::: taken on a hunchback-like appearance! I've even got the shakes where I once wiggled.

I've learned to function on just 4 hours of sleep per night thanks to the additional pots of coffee I am consuming nightly.

I am not too nice :::never::: :::was::: to be around anymore and it shows in my email to everyone!

One epal YELLED at me the other day. At first I thought it was more like a slight rise in their typewritten words ... but I've since discovered that I've lost yet another epal through my :::normal::: erratic mood swings during this time.

I sure hope it's temporary!  I've lost all of my in real life :::you::: :::had::: :::a::: :::real::: :::life?:::  friends. My email has gone down :::how:: :::much::: :::is::: :::50%::: :::of::: :::nothing?::: at least 50%.

Maybe this is all the result of the start of :::the::: :::change::: finally outgrowing these email relationships now that I have involved myself in the importance of my website?

It'd sure be nice if I had some legitimate :::or::: :::other::: :::lame:::  excuse for my behaviors of late.

Now I'm going through the "letdown  :::humbling:::  experience" that they didn't tell me about in the website instructions:::which::: :::I::: :::never::: :::read::: booklet.

If you ask me, :::who'd::: :::think::: :::of::: :::it?:::  I've finally made it to BURN-OUT, that awful, heinous deficiency  :::you::: :::forgot::: :::already?::: that I mentioned at the start of this :::parody::: story.

I think I'll take a much needed :::gonna::: :::run::: :::away::: :::and::: :::hide:::  vacation!  See you folks next year sometime!

Gee, I bet I could have announced my vacation in just one sentence instead of this very long nonsensical piece of literary subliminal parody talent, :::Let's::: :::take::: :::a::: :::vote::: :::on::: that::: :::talent::: but then that wouldn't be ME, now would it?

While I'm gone, maybe, just maybe my e-mailbox will :::crash::: overflow!

Whoops!  There I go again, will I ever :::dream::: :::on::: learn?